They are good at stressing themselves along with others

People are weird. They are so good at stressing out. And some people have this unique talent of stressing out their ownselves and people around them. I mean come on, you don’t have to form a never ending chain of stress. Example of such is like the first tiles of a domino game or like a lit candle which used to lit other candles.

Imagine a person is stressed because you are in trouble. The person loves you and therefore worried about you. He is making you more worried about your problem than you actually are. Or imagine a person who is in trouble and is very worried and makes you worried as well by creating more than necessary drama. There is a need to put such people on hold. Here is an example for a better understanding, imagine you are in the kitchen doing dishes, and someone from the living room tells you to do dishes. They can’t see you but you guys can hear each other. So, they are shouting at you to do dishes, but you are already doing it. You can already imagine how your blood pressure will rise and you’ll want to stop doing the dishes. They are frustrated because they think dishes aren’t done and therefore they are shouting at you, and making you mad. So, you see this ? They just transferred their stress to you. Now, both of you are stressed!

When I face such people I get stressed and I have no clue what to do. So all I do is wait for them to calm down, and tell them once or twice at the max that I am alright and you don’t have to worry about me. I tell them once that they are worrying unnecessarily. I just do it once. But it doesn’t work most of the times. When I face such situation again with the same person I do what I am good at that is “ignore”. That’s the ultimate solution. I hope to find an alternative soon though.

“Perfect or nothing” is a stupid mentality: OCD

I was the kind of a person who used to believe, either I should do it perfectly or I shouldn’t touch it at all. If I was to paint something I wanted to do it without doing any mistakes, without smudging the paint, without getting my hands dirty, without changing the plan in the middle etc and if I used to make any mistakes I used to stop working on the painting right away. I used to get frustrated, I used to under go a mini depression. I used to keep thinking about how to paint and plan it out perfectly. I never used to begin painting unless I had a clear vision and a perfect plan. I used go crazy, man.

I wanted everything to be perfect. Everything I do should be perfect or else it will become worthless, that’s what I used to think. I used to feel I need to keep my hands clean while painting therefore I used to keep washing my hands. Then, one day I read about OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder). I gave it a thought and I realized that I sort of have symptoms of OCD. I realized I need to help myself. I researched, watched videos and educated myself on OCD. I came to know that it’s self diagnosable and I can help myself if I am at its early stages. According to me I was on the first step of OCD and thank God that I came to know about it earlier.

It was now time to do something about it. I decided that I’ll stop going crazy about not being perfect. I started leaving paintings incomplete, leaving things messy, letting my hands stay dirty while painting,keeping things disordered. I stopped bothering to clean up, to keep my notebooks clean, to perfectly match eyeliners of both the eyes. I stopped caring to perfectly border my lips and fill in without smudging, correcting people’s english grammar or their spoken-english pronunciation.I just stopped bothering to do things perfectly and to be perfect in everything.

When I stopped being perfect, I stopped being dissapointed. It was hard in the beginning but as the time passed it gave me peace. I realized, the peace of mind is more precious than perfection. Progress is more important than perfection. Getting stuck in the midway due to absence of perfection is stupidity. Submitting an imperfect assignment is better than not submitting the assignment. A complete project with some flaws is better than an incomplete project.

Being a puppet of perfection is not worth it.

The dumb truth: Self abuse

I recently discovered that people have tendency to not only abuse others but also themselves. Sometimes people don’t realize that they are abusing themselves. It’s just that they are unaware. They just don’t know that whatever they are doing to themselves is an abuse.

Now, I am not that aware of what all things can be included in self abuse but there are certain things that I think are self abuse. For example, if you put yourself down and you keep telling yourself that you are capable of nothing ,it is self abuse. You are abusing yourself mentally. Consider another example, when some people tell you that you are worthless and you believe them. You believe them to an extend that you start to lose confidence, it is self abuse. Okay here is one more example, if you harm yourself physically e.g cut yourself, slap yourself etc when you are angry or when you are upset etc, you are abusing yourself physically.

Words that people around you speak have the power to make you feel bad or good about yourself. Words spoken especially by the people you love or the people who love you (or claim to love you) are more impactful than the words spoken by the outsiders. People can make you abuse yourself and it’s quiet natural that you won’t even realize that they are doing so. Being unaware of self abuse is more dangerous than the self abuse itself.

There are enough people out there to discourage you, abuse you, put you down and do what not. So kindly be gentle with yourself. Be humble, show some humility to yourself. Be the hand you need to hold, be the shoulder you need to cry on, be the ear you need to listen to you, be the cup of coffee you need to soothe yourself, be the breeze you need to calm yourself, be everything you need.

Nobody can save you from self abuse except you.

Weird: Failing feels good

Did you read the title ? Well, that’s exactly what I mean. One part of me works hard, very hard to get the success. But after all the hard work when I fail, the other part of me is glad. I don’t get it, why? Why is that part of me is happy about it!

It’s weird how I work on a poem, drawing, assignment for hours and put all my brain in it, but some part of me refuse to take part in the hardwork. I have to drag that part to the workplace and force it to do what I am doing to sucessfully complete the task. That part does its job but secretly wishes I fail at the task.

When I fail in a particular task, it makes me feel really bad, but at the same time not that bad because some part of me is happy about it. It sounds devilish, doesn’t it? This has been happening to me since quiet a long time now. I don’t know how to stop feeling happy about my failures. I just don’t want to feel this way.

I think the part of me which is happy about my failures is my demon. It’s the devil. Or else why would someone be happy about their own failures? Nobody wants to fail, right? It’s not that I can’t take failures or something, but feeling good about it is weird for me. I am okay with losing the race or not being able to complete the project on time etc but the feeling! The feeling of satisfaction after failing is, Nah, I don’t even have a word for telling exactly how I feel.

I am trying to figure out ways to stop feeling this way. I couldn’t find one yet. I hope to find it soon in near future.

Late night thoughts: DSPS

It’s past midnight and I can’t sleep. I tried sleeping early. I tried keeping away my phone and I managed to keep it away for about 2 hours. I failed. Nothing worked. I don’t know what should I do. I need to learn to sleep early and make it a habit forever. I keep making and breaking the habit of going to bed early.

I need to get up early and stay awake. Going to bed late and waking up late is messing up with my daily routine. Last month I suffered DSPS (delayed sleep phase syndrome). Trust me it’s bad. Its name might seem fancy but it sucks. Basically in this syndrome, you go to sleep later than usual. In my case I used to go to sleep around 10:30 pm to 11 pm but due to DSPS my sleep cycle delayed to 2 am. I was falling asleep exactly or around 2 am in the morning. Although I wasn’t sleep deprived but this change in timing was hindering my daily chores. I was so frustrated. It made me mentally and emotionally agitated.

Those were bad days and I am scared that those days might come back.When I was suffering through DSPS, I tried various things to make myself fall asleep early. I tried keeping my phone away, failed. I tried to stay awake and work out early in the morning, failed. I tried working out just before going to bed so that I feel exhausted and fall asleep easily, failed. I tried the light therapy, it helped a little bit. In the light therapy you are exposed to the light as soon as you wake up and you are supposed to be in the light throughout the day. Its purpose is to reset your circadian rhythm by telling your brain,” it’s lots of light out there and you are supposed to keep the body awake”. And when it’s dark you are supposed to switch of all the lights in the room and stay in dark to tell your brain, “it’s dark out there and you are supposed to set the body to sleep”. You don’t need any professional help (at least I think so) for the light therapy. You just need to keep all the windows and doors open and let as much sunlight as possible in and keep the lights on during the day and it does its job. Well, afterwards I tried drinking warm milk before going to bed and miraculously it worked! It worked from the day one. I was so surprised and relieved. Hush!

But today again I can’t sleep.

Mr. Enthusiasm where are you?

I have a lot of things to do but no enthusiasm. I have a book to write, a language to learn, exams to study, skills to develop but no enthusiasm to begin anything. Where do I find it?

Under the bed? Below the table? Inside books? In motivational videos? Or in speeches I don’t like to listen to?I don’t know, man! SOS

I need help. I don’t know whom to ask for it! I am so lost. I don’t know what I am doing, where I am heading. I don’t know where will I end up and how will I end up there!

And it’s not only about the things I want to do or need to do but it’s also about the things I ought to do like brushing my teeth, eating my meals, going to sleep, waking and staying up. I find no enthusiasm to do any of these things.

Damn!

But the interesting thing is I don’t know how do I lost it and where do I lost it! I just lost it and by the time I realized I have lost it, it was gone far away. Now, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Shaheen

Episode 9

Sometimes life is tough but Shaheen never thought things would get that bad. Shaheen didn’t want to die in that house without fulfilling her only wish. That pandemic only triggered her urge to get freedom and probably do all it takes to get it. Her dream was to be free. She wanted to free herself from society’s stupid values and her own morals that didn’t allow her to disrespect her parents and run away from home. She wanted to escape this world which haunts you down when you can’t reach it’s expectations or do more than their expectations. She knew what she wanted but didn’t know how to get it. 

Shaheen decided to make a plan. She decided to write it down in her journal. She made a list of things she could do to free herself. She wrote in her journal:

  1. Run away from home ( but where?)
  2. Get parents and sibling out of the house, after all this is my grandpa’s house (but where will they go in this pandemic?) 
  3. Shift with Malini ma’am. I can pay her rent. (hmm. This is some what practical) 
  4. Move out and rent an apartment (but how will I pay advance? And to pay the rent I don’t have the job anymore!) 
  5. Find an NGO  that helps homeless. (OK that sounds extreme. No way doing it) 

Shaheen wanted freedom to do things on her own, to do things she likes to do and whenever she wants to do. She wanted freedom to do things in her own way. If she had the freedom to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants and however she wants then probably she wouldn’t have thought of running away from her home. Those were little things she wanted to do like paint her house or at least her bedroom with colors of her choice, she wanted to wear colored burqah, she wanted to cook her favorite food without asking her mother (step-mother) , she wanted to buy clothes of her choice, she wanted to invite her friends to her home, she wanted to sleep for longs hours without being yelled at, she wanted to shut  the mouths of her relatives up who would say her things for being unmarried at the age of 26 yrs, she wanted to be left by on her own. 

Every path has obstacles, we need to remove obstacles instead of just leaving the idea of not taking the path. Shaheen thought dying of COVID19 was much less disappointing than dying of sadness. She thought she had enough. So, Shaheen decided to give it a try. She decided to try on all the things she listed down one by one. 

In the morning, Shaheen was preparing her coffee and simultaneously she was thinking how she can apply her first plan. Her first plan was to run away from the home. 

“OK, so you are gonna runaway? Like seriously? ” , asked Shaheen to herself. 

“Yes”, Shaheen replied. 

“Are you seriously serious? Like serious kind of serious? “

“Yes”

“Oh. So, where are you gonna go? “

“I haven’t decided yet “

“Oh. How are you gonna do it? “

“I haven’t decided yet “

“Oh. How are you gonna manage the money? “

“I haven’t decided yet “

“Oh. When are you gonna stop being stupid? “

“I haven’t decided yet “

“Oh. I can see that”

“Stop it”

“You don’t have a plan. You wanna runaway just like that. Are you kidding me? “

“I’ll figure something out, okay”, Shaheen rolled her eyes. 

Shaheen took her coffee mug and went to the terrace. She sat on the floor of the terrace and started sipping her coffee.

“Shaheen, dude. You are safe here. In this pandemic you can’t risk to go out. It’s insane. It’s a bad idea”, Shaheen tried to convince herself to drop the idea. 

“Look, it’s not that I don’t know. It’s just that I had enough of everything. I had enough of unsaid pressure of my parents and relatives. It’s not that I can’t eat what I like but I can’t because I have to eat what everyone is eating in the house so that I don’t hurt them or disrespect them. It’s not that I can’t buy my favorite stuff but I can’t because that would mean going against my step-mom’s will, of course she would not say anything but that look on her face, that voiceless yelling hurts more than anything. I can be rebellious but that would only create drama and I am sorry, I am not fond of any drama. I can’t make scene for every little thing. “

“excuse me, you think you running away won’t create any scene? “

“of course it’ll but it’ll be for once and all”

“Dude,  they can think you ranaway with a guy”

” Oh man, they can, can’t they?”

” Yeah. So the idea is dropped, right?”

“Nope”

“My goodness, ShaHEEEEEN”

“The  idea is still on”

Shaheen went down. It was 10 a.m and everyone was still asleep. Shaheen started to put things in her grey Bagpack. She put  a pair of clothes, her earphones, power bank, prayer mat, a hoodie, Two T-shirts and a night pant. She rolled all the clothes so that she can fit everything in the Bag-pack. 

“Shaheen, are you sure girl?” ,Shaheen asked herself. 

But got no reply

Shaheen checked her account balance online.

“Seventeen thousand six hundred and seventy-five! How long can you survive in that much of money?”, Shaheen asked herself. 

No reply came. 

Out of eighteen thousand of her salary she had used a thousand rupees for her and Asif’s mobile recharge. Shaheen flicked her phone on the bed and went to the kitchen for making breakfast. She kept a vessel on the stove for making tea. She kneaded the dough. She made five parathas. She took tea in five cups and parathas to the living room. 

“So, last tea with the family? “, Shaheen said in her head to herself. 

“Shut up”, Shaheen murmered.

“Are you talking to yourself again? “, taunted Asif. 

“Eat your food” , yelled Asif’s mother. 

Shaheen finished eating her food and went to her bedroom. Shaheen was all set to go except for  a reason to step out. A reason to tell her family for why she is going out. She needed a good reason. So she started surfing the internet. 

Shaheen

Episode 8

Shaheen went to the college to meet Malini ma’am. She waited for college to get over. Malini ma’am waited for her in the staff room. Every teacher had left. They were all alone. Shaheen sat in front of Malini ma’am. She couldn’t make an eye contact with her, she was gazing down at the table top. 

“what you did was not right. This is not how you sort things out”, said Malini ma’am. 

“I did what I could think of then”, Shaheen replied. 

“You almost killed him”, said Malini ma’am. 

“What am I supposed to do with guys like him? His dad said he deserved it”

“You deal with bad people without being bad for your own self”

“What do I do now? “

“You are expelled, anyway. That’s what protocol says. But knowledge isn’t restricted to the four walls” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’ll  help you with your education. You’ll be a doctor but without a degree “

Malini ma’am helped Shaheen learn things through video calls during her lectures. She would teach her using all the digital media. Shaheen used to practice dissections with vegetables and fruits. She learned not all but a lot. But like all other students she needed some real life exposure and practice. So, Malini ma’am went out of the way and decided to make Shaheen her unpaid assistant. She requested the Dean of the institution and he agreed just because Malini ma’am was taking her responsibility. She would call her to assist her in the operation theatre whenever she had to operate. Shaheen got  a good hand on cutting and stitching. During operations she would observe Malini ma’am’s actions carefully. Shaheen was a quick learner. Malini ma’am was happy with her performance and sincerity. Soon they began to spend time together a lot. And it only drew them closer, so close that Shaheen  and Malini ma’am ended up telling each other the tiniest detail of their lives. Shaheen was a very talented girl and Malini ma’am didn’t let a degree certificate mess with her talent. When Shaheen completed five years of being an unpaid assistant( which would have been her 5 years of MBBS) , Malini ma’am decided to make her a paid assistant so that her step mother won’t stop her from coming to the hospital. Shaheen used to do half of Malini ma’am’s work for two reasons, first her love for ma’am and second  her curiosity to learn more and salary was just a bonus for her. 

Because of that lock down her step mother won’t allow her to go out. She told her to leave the job. Now, Shaheen was jobless. She would spend her time doing home chores and switching social media apps. Now, she had became an unpaid maid. 

Shaheen  was sitting in her bed and thinking when will this end? When she will get to go to work again?. She scrolled for Malini ma’am’s number, she tapped on the number.

Malini ma’am’s phone rang. 

“Hello “,  Malini ma’am received the call. 

“Hi, what happened to your voice? “, Shaheen asked. 

“Sore throat, I think I caught cold”, said Malini ma’am. 

“Cold or corona?”, Shaheen laughed. 

“Ha-Ha-Ha. Very funny”, said Malini ma’am. 

“Oh, sorry. Why did you pick the call? aren’t you busy? “. 

“It’s a break”. 

“Why this change in timings? It’s 4:30 pm” 

“Now, there are two timings because everyone can’t go on a break at the same time. The number of patients have increased so much that we are running out of hospital staff. It’s been  a week of lock down but the number of patients is constantly increasing”. 

“That’s bad. You take care of yourself, please. Don’t take duties with COVID19 patients”.

“Would you do that Shaheen if you were in my place? “. 

“No”.

“I know you won’t because doctors don’t do that. After all we have pledged to save lives”

“Anyway, you take care of yourself”

“yeah”

“When do you think this will get over? I don’t want to sit at home, it’s suffocating”

“I won’t say I am clueless. This is something huge. This is not gonna end sooner. It’s just the beginning. “

Shaheen

Episode 7

A few days passed. Shaheen got busy in her life which she didn’t even like to call a life. For Shaheen life was  nothing more than a trial, a test. She was fed up of her step-parents and the step brother, Asif. The only thing she was grateful for in all this test was Malini ma’am. She knew her since her freshman’s year of her MBBS and she loved her so much because she was the only person who didn’t give up on her even after being dropped out of the college. Malini ma’am gave her all the love and support she needed it the most. 

Shaheen was in the first year of her MBBS when she got dropped out of the college. She was dropped out for slitting a guy’s wrist.

 A guy who was in the last year of MBBS in the same college as Shaheen claimed to have feelings for her. In spite of Shaheen’s refusal he won’t give up hitting on her. He brought her chocolate and flowers occasionally. Everyone in the college got to know about this. In initial days she was embarrassed but later on she started to think he might be actually in love with her. One day, one of their common friends, Rahul called Shaheen and asked her to hurry up to college’s parking lot. 

“Karan is trying to cut his wrist, please hurry up “, said Rahul. 

“What? Is he insane?”, said Shaheen running down the stairs. 

“I don’t know. He is going crazy”, said Rahul. 

“Tell him I am coming”, Shaheen said with a breathy voice. 

As Shaheen reached the parking lot she saw Karan’s left hand was all blood. She got panicked, tears welled up in her eyes and she ran towards him. Rahul stopped her and asked her to get him a first aid box. 

Shaheen was frozen. She couldn’t believe her eyes. She gazed into Karan’s eyes and felt the pain he was feeling. She felt the pain in her heart. Her throat was aching. She shifted her gaze to Rahul, she looked in Rahul’s face and then looked down. She saw blood on his right foot. Shaheen realized she was right, she couldn’t believe her eyes because it wasn’t what it looked like. Shaheen looked at his pant’s pocket, there was something in it he was trying to hide by placing his hand inside the pocket. It was a plastic bag of blood. Shaheen gathered herself and walked away. After some time she came back with a first aid box. Rahul and Karan were proud of their plan but they were not ready for the unplanned. Shaheen came walking towards Karan and asked Rahul to leave asking for the privacy with Karan. As Rahul turned away Shaheen took Karan’s hand in hers and wiped it with cotton wetted with antiseptic.

“Wow! you made blood flow out without a cut?”, she said.I thought you had slit your wrist for me”.

Chill ran down Karan’s spine and he tried to pull his hand.  Shaheen tightened her grip and using a scalpel she quickly made two slits in his wrist. As he tried to push Shaheen away Shaheen put her foot on his throat and pressed him against the wall.Shaheen was still holding his wrist. Blood was flowing from Karan’s wrist as if someone has left the tap open.Rahul was running towards them to help Karan. 

“Come here only of you want to suffer the same”, Shaheen warned Rahul. 

Rahul knew this fresher knew enough martial arts to do exactly what she just said. So, without delay he ran to the staff room. 

“Shaheen has gone mad. She’s going to kill Karan”, Rahul shouted in the staff room. 

One teacher called the principal and others ran down to the parking lot. The principal called the police.

Shaheen had no intention to leave Karan no matter what. Some teachers and students gathered in the parking lot but no one dared to go near Shaheen. Malini ma’am came and she went straight to Shaheen and held her hand.

“leave him, Shaheen”, she said. 

Shaheen unwillingly released his hand and took her foot off his throat. 

Malini ma’am asked some students to take Karan to the emergency room of the hospital and took Shaheen to the Principal’s office. 

They waited there till the police arrived and Shaheen was taken to the nearest police station. 

Karan’s father was called to the police station. He came in and said to the police that he doesn’t want to file an FIR against Shaheen. The police was shocked and so was Shaheen. 

“It’s my personal matter. I would like to handle it by myself “, said Karan’s father to the police officer. 

“Go ahead. You are free to make your decisions, sir”, said the policeman.

Shaheen was released. She came out of the police station and waited for Karan’s father to come out. 

When he came out she hurried to thank him. 

“Thanks a lot, sir. I am grateful “, Shaheen said in a low tone. 

“That’s fine. In fact I am glad my son met someone like you. He deserved what you did to him”, said Karan’s father. 

“I wonder, why would you say that?”, Shaheen asked. 

“because he has been playing around with my money and girls for a long time now and I am sure he never encountered a girl like you. Boys like him deserve to meet a girl like you at least once in their life time”, said Karan’s father. 

“Thanks again”, said Shaheen. 

“it’s OK dear. I would like to meet your parents”, said Karan’s father. 

“They had called my father but he didn’t show up”, said Shaheen  sadly “he must be ashamed of me”.

“That’s probably because he doesn’t know my son and probably I too don’t know my son yet”, said Karan’s father. 

“You must be a good father to bear with a son like him”, said Shaheen. 

“good father? May be. But I think I would have been a little better son a little earlier if I had met someone like you when I was his age”, giggled Karan’s father.

Shaheen chuckled. 

Karan’s father got into his car and left. Shaheen was relieved, it’s not that she was regretting almost killing Karan but whatever his father said and did was an extra relief. 

Shaheen’s cell phone vibrated. It was an email from principal’s office. It said she has been expelled out of the college for her misbehavior. 

Shaheen

Episode 6

It’s 11 pm when Shaheen’s phone rang. Shaheen got up half asleep and took the phone in her hand only to face penetrating screen light. It was Malini ma’am. With flickering eyes Shaheen stared at the phone thinking if she should pick up the call or not. 

“Pick up the call, girl. She is the only person who calls you”, said a voice inside her. She calls it her “inside”.

She tapped on the green icon. 

“Ma’am, aren’t you asleep? “, said Shaheen in a husky voice. 

“Well, I am but I am also a somniloquist”

“You are som… You are what? “

“I am a sleep talker”

“Dude, why me? You have a husband irritate him, please”

“Dudet, I am in the hospital. Why are you asleep by the way? It’s only 11”

“I don’t have a job anymore, remember? Anyway, I am trying to fix my sleep cycle”

“Okay. And you of course had your dinner, didn’t you? “

“Actually, no. Asif ate away my share of food. Anyway, what are you doing? “

“So,  basically Asif had your dinner. Hmm so much love”, Malini ma’am giggled. “I am sitting in my cabinet, I had 5 operations to do today. Many doctors are busy with COVID19 patients. So, we have to shift workloads.”

“So, you are free now? “

“Not really. I have one more operation to do at 11:33. So, I thought I can call you. I forgot to call you back yesterday”

“33 again, great!”, said Shaheen in a monotonous voice. “Anyway, I had called you to ask why did you gave my number to that guy? You know I don’t like….”

“Oh God that guy. Good that you reminded me. That’s Mr. Alif Shaikh”, interrupted Malini ma’am. “He is the son of Mr. Shaukat Shaikh” 

“Okay. I know and they are kind of rich”

“Rich? I guess they are richer than what your tone just suggested “

“Come to the point, will you? “

“Oh, I am sorry. I am sorry I gave him your number without your consent because number one I was in a hurry I was getting late for the operation and number two they are good people they just wanted to thank you….”

“In-a-better-manner”, Shaheen interrupted. 

“Yeah”

“Dude, they are rich. I don’t know what to ask for? Any ideas? Like it’s not that I readily accepted it, it’s just that they were insisting “

“I don’t know may be a car or something. And you know what? They promised to finance the education of that auto driver’s kid.They are so generous”

“Ugh!  Auto-rikshaw driver. It created all the misunderstanding “

“Why? What happen?”

” I mistook Alif for the driver”, said Shaheen  in a low tone. 

“You, what? ” , Malini ma’am laughed out loud. 

“You are gonna let the whole hospital know about it, don’t you?”,Whispered  Shaheen grumpily 

“No, ma’am. No. Uh. I am sorry”, Malini ma’am giggled. 

“Yes and I also told his mother that they don’t need to thank me and I can help them raise some funds if they need”, sighed Shaheen. 

” I can only imagine what you must have sounded to her”

“Dumb. I must have sounded dumb”

“Yeah, pretty dumb”

“And? “

“And. Nothing”

“Shall I ask you something? “

” As if you won’t if I say no”

“Why do you sound like you know these people? “

“Because I know. Like, not personally but I know things about them since I was there in H-city for my medical studies “

“Oh. What kind of people are they? “

“They have some business of gold in Dubai. I think they have showrooms of gold jewelry there. And they are really famous for there charity and helping nature. It’s been 22 years now. When I was in my first year Mr. Alif’s parents were a newly married couple. They sent food to every orphanage in the city on their wedding day. I got to know from my friends who were localites that Mr. Shaukat Shaikh would help anyone who asks for it no matter how poor or rich the person was. Mr. Shaukat’s parents and his brother used to live in Dubai back then and for some reason he decided to stay here in the country…”

“Wait, wait. Too much information. And how do you know so much? “, Shaheen interrupted. 

“I guess back then in the city everyone knew these things. They had that good reputation and I guess today people respect them in the same way”

“Oh. Rich and kind, rare combination. I must admit that lady, Alif’s mom was really kind to me. She didn’t get offended when I said those things to her instead she was trying to calm me down and make me feel less embarrassed. Now, I have decided I won’t call them back”

” Why? “

“They are richer than I thought. What if they think I am a gold digger? I don’t want to sound desperate for money or anything “

” But they are good people. I know they genuinely want to thank you. But it’s your decision”

“Hmm. I won’t call. They are good people I don’t want to bother them”

“Bother? How? Like how would they be bothered? “

” I couldn’t find the word to describe that thing you know so I just said bothered*. I didn’t mean that, I mean something else but couldn’t find the right word”

“Oh sweety. It’s okay”

” I won’t call them. It doesn’t feel right now when I know they are nice people. I don’t feel like doing so”

“Don’t do it then. Decision is all yours. And it’s okay, don’t think about it much now. Go to sleep and sorry for ruining your sleep cycle”

“Hmm… It’s okay.Good night”, Shaheen tittered. 

“Good night”

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